Hello! I know this blog is overdue, but I needed some more time to reflect on what these two months meant. There has been a lot of change and transition. Lots of heartache and trust in God. I have felt doubt one day and certainty the next. I’m still unsure about a lot, but I will try my best to put into words what the past months felt like.
January started like any other month. Nicole and I went to work where we continued to form great relationships with the women there. The two year old girl and I spent lots of time doing laps around Casa while she said “Maggie, toma” handing me whatever bug, leaf, rock, or dirt piece she found on the ground. We celebrated Lilly’s birthday with Monica’s family. We shared a meal with Shrimp and I made a pie (Lilly’s favorite dessert).
We had a great time laughing and sharing stories about Lilly from the year. I continued to form a deep relationship with Marie and Alfredo. I visited their store a lot to dance or play with Anie. Marie and I would sit and play uno or share ice cream. We talked about her family and how she felt being in Monte Sinai. I spent time playing with Elif on our street. We kicked a ball up and down our street for a while then split a banana together. These simple acts of love brought me an immense amount of joy- knowing I am loved and love others.
Steven had friends visit in Mid-January. It was a joy to welcome people into our life and introduce them to our neighbors. We had fun playing games until 2am. It was great to see Steven have a piece of home in Monte Sinai too. I am grateful he shared his friends with us. We had a great lunch with Margarita and her family. We talked about the different foods they had tried in Ecuador. The first big rain came while we were all at Monica’s house. The roads flooded within 15 minutes. Angie, Adami, Nicole, Luisito, and I all rushed out to go play in the rain. All the kids on the street were out playing in the puddles. This is a kid’s pastime. Each adult had stories of playing in the rain with their siblings. It was Adami’s first big rain, and it was an honor to be able to jump in puddles with her. I hold this memory close to my heart now. I felt at home with my family. I felt like my full self. I knew this was where I was supposed to be, learning and loving from this community. I felt closest with God as I walked up and down the streets greeting neighbors with a smile. Walking into someone’s house knowing they would be so glad I came and knowing I was so glad to spend my afternoon with them. There was no agenda, just two people sitting and being together.
While this is a small micro picture into my day to day, the bigger picture of Monte Sinai and Guayaquil was not as calm. I have mentioned before that the neighborhood is run by a gang and there are surrounding gangs in other neighborhoods. The violence in the month of January grew and grew each day. There were days where Nicole and I could not go to work because the road was closed due to a shooting. We heard stories and saw pictures of the devastation of gang violence. People are hurting in Monte Sinai and turned to violence due to anger and frustration. Because of the growing violence, Rostro made the decision to pull us out of the community for a while at the end of January. The violence was at a point where they could not handle it without taking a step back to reflect on how to accompany us and our neighbors.
We went to Bucay for the weekend to a nice little house with a basketball hoop and a pool. It did feel good to be taken out of the situation for a minute and reset. It helped make decisions that were not emotionally driven in the end. I am grateful looking back at that weekend with my community mates and the fellows. From there, we went to a retreat center closer to the city of Guayaquil, which was safer. We spent the week in reflection, workshops, and prayers as we began to get the full picture of what is happening in Ecuador and how it affects Guayaquil and Monte Sinai. We had a morning where we learned more about the drug trafficking problem and how Guayaquil is a city in the line because of its ports. For me, that made me recognize the big picture of what is happening in Latin America and how specifically involved Monte Sinai is. I felt hurt that my neighbors were being affected by such a large picture problem. I pictured the faces of the guys on the motorcycles on our streets and how the system has failed them so much that they have to resort to this life to feel secure. I am reminded over and over again how the joy in Monte Sinai exists amongst such struggle and suffering.
While still in the retreat center, we took one Saturday to go back to Sinai and visit with some neighbors. We just picked up and left the week before with no explanation. My community and I were hurting because we weren’t able to tell them that we weren’t gone- just taking a step back for a little bit. Walking the streets that day was filling. I felt like myself again in a week that was filled with stressful conversations and sadness of reality. I was able to play with Anie and cry with Monica about how sad it was to be away from my home in Sinai. Leaving that day, I felt confident that we would be back in Sinai in a new and different capacity, but that I would be able to continue to form relationships with the people that revealed to me who Christ is in the deepest way so far in my life.
We returned that night and Manny and Evan sat us down for a conversation. They told us that Rostro de Cristo made the decision to leave Monte Sinai for the rest of our volunteer year. They did not feel the situation was going to get any better and perhaps even worsen quickly. They did not have the resources to support us in that environment in that timeline. There are no words to describe the heartbreak and the deep sadness that came with that moment. My community mates and I sat in shock with tears streaming down. We were being removed from the place where we felt God’s presence so profoundly and so authentically. We have family and friends there. How are we supposed to leave them especially during this time of insecurity? I felt like I was abandoning my family in a time of need, where true accompaniment and solidarity was most needed. We were given Monday until the next Saturday to be in Sinai and say goodbye to our neighbors. I sit here and write this crying because of how deeply it hurt to say goodbye to the people and spaces that hold such a sacred place in my heart. We were never staying in Sinai forever, but we still had six months to grow, love, and learn in our home. I mourn the time I lost with Monica, Lida, Casa, etc.
The week of saying goodbye was filled with so many emotions. We created a plan to make sure we visited with as many neighbors as we could while knowing we could not do it all. I struggled to find balance between wanting to say goodbye to everyone and spending quality time with the neighbors I had created the strongest relationships with in the five months. I spent Monday afternoon with Marie, Alfredo, Elena, and Anie dancing, laughing, and playing games. Nicole and I went to work Tuesday to say goodbye. That was one of the hardest for me because of how much I learned in Casa. The strength of the women I met there will continue to inspire me in each decision I make. Between my tears and weepy gratitudes, I picked up the two year girl to give her a kiss goodbye. She saw my tears and took my face in her little hands. She gave me a big kiss right on my cheek and said “amo” which means I love. Even in the disappointment and sadness, God continues to reveal God’s love through the kisses of two year olds. Casa is a place where I loved and received love, and that is something I hold in my new space.
That night, the five of us, Angie, Samuel, and Maurico had a sleepover in the retreat house! We watched a movie and ate some snacks. It was so fun and a real joy at the end of a tough day. When I say we left friends behind, I mean Angie, Samuel, and Mau. I shared moments with them like I would with Julia and Jake. We woke up the next morning and David had gone out to get us bread and coffee just like my dad would do when I had friends sleepover. Again, a reminder of familial love away from my nuclear family.
Marco and I went to visit Lida Wednesday morning. Visits with her are always filled with music and laughter. We played card games and ate lunch. It all ended with her teaching us some new tik tok dances. I miss her spirit and the way we can talk about anything with her. I continue to pray for Lida and her baby Theo, who will be born in April.
We ended the night with the five of us going to dinner at Aura’s house. We have always visited her family all five of us and she expressed to us how much that meant to her. It’s special that all five of us hold a close relationship to Aura and her family. She made us an amazing dinner and we laughed about silly things that had happened from visits in the past. We cried together as we said goodbye acknowledging that our relationship is mutual. We both gave and received and that love holds strong even when we are not together.
I spent most of Thursday with Juana and her girls. Juana’s strength and dedication to loving her girls is incredible. It was special for all five of the girls to be there for our last visit. Juana’s husband had just left her and she had not yet told her girls. It was a weird space to be in because it felt like we were leaving her in a time where accompaniment is crucial. I am so grateful to know Juana and continue to build a friendship with her from a distance. She is someone who will always invest time in Rostro volunteers. From the beginning, she called herself our Ecua mom and I feel that holds true from her hospitality and openness.
Mark, Nicole, and I ate dinner with Nereida on Thursday evening. She lives right next door to our house so she was a neighbor we saw everyday. We chatted about how she felt living in Sinai and how she is scared about where things can turn. I bugged Eduardo, her son, for a while. We like to play jokes on each other and poke buttons. I missed playing Carnaval with him.
Friday for lunch, all five of us went to Gloria and Raulito’s for lunch. Walking into their house is always joyful! Lilly and Mark cooked with Gloria while we danced and sang songs with Raul. While walking to get Raul’s favorite drink, Coke, he began crying. While he did not know the exact circumstances, he knew the sentiment in the house was sad, but it did not stop him from dancing.
After lunch, Steven and I took Marie and Anie to the top of the hill in Sinai. You can see most of the city and then most of the fields in the other direction. It was an incredible view and a special activity to end our time with them (for now). We made dinner with Monica and David and Monica kept saying “todos de mis hijos están aquí” We shared many laughs and tears that night as we truly recognized what a gift and an honor it was to share that space with them. I miss Angie and Monica everyday. I wish we could still be together sharing funny gossip and Monica giving me life lessons. They taught me so much about how to love big so while physically we cannot be together, I hold them close in my heart as I navigate my different life in Quito.
Saturday, we held our despedida, goodbye party, for all our neighbors. We wanted to leave the neighborhood with something to remember us so we made a mural on the wall of the Fundacion where all the guests put their handprint. Of course, it started raining, but it’s a perfect mural to represent the beautiful mess it is to be a volunteer.
We danced and shared food with our neighbors one last time. We performed a song we wrote for them to close. Juana started playing Carnaval with us all so I did indeed get an egg cracked on my head in the middle of the party. It was a fun way to share laughter on such a somber day. I loved that we were able to host everyone one last time. It felt like our goodbye, but also a goodbye from all the volunteers of years past. This is a community that has loved in a grand fashion and it deserved a grand closure.
Sunday morning was moving day. We went to mass and had breakfast with the Madres at San Felipe. They were so encouraging about our new adventure. We have a lot of support on the streets of Sinai, which makes this transition a little bit easier. We got on a plane that afternoon and arrived in Quito that evening. We always talked about how the next time we were on a plane we wanted to look down on Guayaquil and feel like we left it all there. We held a very different sentiment as we said goodbye to the city and landed in a brand new one.
We spent a few days exploring the Historic Center of Quito. We talked around, saw different churches, and ate some new food. On Tuesday, we took a gondola to the top of the mountain in Quito. We hiked a little bit and had some intentional conversations about what the heck was going on. After lunch, Mark, Manny, Lilly, and I rode horses to a farther point on the mountain. These are the little gifts of change. I never would have rode a horse in Ecuador if we were still in Monte Sinai. While the heartbreak radiates throughout me, I am trying to see the small gifts God gives us each day like a horseback ride on the side of a mountain.
Wednesday, we moved into our new Center- El Centro de una familia de familias. It is a larger non-profit organization with 90 employees. They have a social work, psychology, pastoral, and legal department to support different families in the surrounding neighborhood. They have school from daycare to twelfth grade. They serve about 190 families. It is a great organization doing great work for the families of Quito. It is very different from Rostro and our day-to-day lives. We spent the first few weeks helping with the social work department because they go on visits to families’ houses. That’s where we hope to continue to support. I spent time in the 3-4 year old classroom. While this was never something I thought I would love, this is now my full-time position for the next 5 months. I will support the teacher in whatever way she needs every morning. They are adorable and I enjoy watching them interact with each other. I am excited to form relationships with this class and see how I grow working with 15 4 year olds every day.
The weekend after we arrived was Carnaval! We had the opportunity to travel to Riobamba, a city about 4 hours south of Quito. On Monday, we went to Licto, a small town outside of Riobamba where the indigenous families that lived on our street in Monte Sinai are from. We went to Elsa’s house first and spent time with her and her family. We walked down to the main plaza to see the parade and play in the streets. On our walk down, we hear shouting from the top of the hill. It’s Ana-Maria and Jessica’s family waving us up. It was so special to see them again and in their hometown. Something that never would have happened if we were in Monte Sinai. It felt like a little piece of home. We watched the parade while throwing paint, flour, and eggs at each other. Being the other white people there, we were major targets for cold water and silly string. By the end, we were covered head to toe with everything imaginable.
It was a blast! It was a gift to celebrate in the small town of Licto with our neighbors from Monte Sinai. We went back to Elsa’s house for a shower and they made us dinner. From there, we walked up the hill to Lara’s house to see three more families from our street. We sat and talked about the day and Quito while we sipped hot tea and ate bread. This hospitality is something that is missing for me in Quito. I felt at home sharing that space with people we know and love. This feeling is a constant reminder of how lucky we were to have our neighbors in Sinai. Now, I reflect on how I can take that hospitality to Quito because all deserve to be welcomed in such a way.
Tuesday morning, I was not feeling well so I stayed back while the others went to see Carolina’s family in another town. Two women who had left Casa de Acogida are now living in the Riobamba. I was able to go to their apartment and spend a few hours with them. It brought me to tears seeing the life they have created in a few short months. They have jobs, a bed for their kids, and a kitchen to cook in. This was their dream when they lived in Casa and now it’s their reality. Their life is still hard with challenges ahead, but they know they are safe and can provide for their kids. It was so fun talking with them and playing with their children. I didn’t think I would ever see them again- another gift from God.
Nicole and I took a bus back that night to start work again in the morning. From here, it’s been a lot of transitions. We’ve asked a lot of questions and spent a lot of time in new spaces. We helped out with the Center’s health fair last Saturday. They had over 200 come for a general check-up and workshops on physical and mental health. We moved into a new volunteer house, which takes new adjusting and more conversations about how to keep up community life. There have been a few retreat groups here since arriving. We’ve had fun talking to college students about what they’re passionate about and how they decided to come to Ecuador. It’s normal for us to want to talk about Rostro, but it’s also hard to explain our circumstances and why we are here.
We came back and celebrated my birthday too! I had a great breakfast! My community got me a box of delicious donuts and we did a taste testing of each night. We went out to dinner and finished the night playing cards and listening to Broadway music (which doesn’t happen otherwise)! I had a great start to 23!
I have learned a lot in these past few months. First, I want to be as present as possible in each moment because I never know when it will be taken away. While I do believe I put as much as I could into Sinai, I do miss those months I missed out on. Being a follower of Christ means getting your heart broken. I’ve thought of the disciples a lot during these weeks- how they watched their be nailed to cross. They lost him right before their very eyes. The heartbreak is how we know we love deeply. Christ asks us to love without limits. I am striving now to take the love I gave and received in Monte Sinai and bring it here to Quito. I want to love the people of Quito like I love Monte Sinai, and this is what Christ asks of me. I definitely express my emotions in tears and I’ve learned that this is a great release for me. It’s harder to hold it in and live in the grief rather than releasing it as it comes. I’ve learned I miss my family more than I thought. They were supposed to come the week we left Monte Sinai, and I grieve that time lost together in the sacred place of Sinai. I learned just how special the hospitality we received in Sinai is. Not everyone just opens their door to you, welcomes you in with a piece of bread and a hug. That is a way of life that is holy and something I want to continue to carry with me in Quito and beyond.
I do feel like we’ve restarted rather than entering into our six month mark. This is a hard realization because we had come so far in Guayaquil and now we are square one. But we are at square one together, and this has been one of the greatest gifts. We came together, we’re struggling together, and we will see Christ here together. We must accept the gentle love of Christ and give it to ourselves as we seek new ministry. And this is what we pray for this month.